Really?

Dear reader, I feel silly having to say this: but a muscle shirt [sic 'wife-beater'] is not acceptable attire for any dining experience above greasy spoon or fast food dive.

If you see anyone wearing said [sic] 'wife-beater' at a dining establishment that has more than two brands of beer on tap, please pelt the offender with whatever is handy. Tomatoes. Rocks. Old kleenexes. Kitchen sink. Your pick.

Synergy or Symbiosis?

Today started off at the bottom of the hill.


My BlackBerry battery died last night, unbeknownst to me. Seriously, if it's such a smart phone- why couldn't it just plug itself in when the battery got low? No battery last night meant that my alarm didn't go off this morning at the anointed hour. Usually 7 on Friday mornings. I woke up rather bleary eyed and confused at 11, with my roommate's dog licking my face. Which also is unusual, and not terribly pleasant- he had a serious case of halitosis happening this morning.

So, I became reserved to the idea that I wouldn't be making my morning Introductory Accounting seminar (oh... damn. Fiddlesticks. Fubar. And any other not-at-all serious 'F' words you can think of- I'm not terribly partial to accounting, no offense to the CGAs and CMAs of the world who are reading this).

After the acceptance of this thought, I resigned myself to cleaning up the apartment a bit. And then settling into my normal morning routine. Food. 3S. Putting some music on super loud and pretending that I'm still 21. And then, getting dressed.

Getting dressed in the morning (or for an evening out) is a bit of quasi-spiritual, meditative, PAIN IN THE ASS experience for me most times. Well, not always a pain in the ass. But the process of getting dressed involves starting with two (not so) simple questions.

1. What am I feeling like today?
2. Do I really HAVE to wear shoes? (the answer to this skews one way or the other, depending on the season)

The big one is 'what am I feeling like today?'

Do I feel vibrant? Good to be alive? Am I feeling a little apathetic? Am I tired? Peppy? Do I feel tall today? Do I feel like a German rock star who can't find his leather pants? Am I feeling youthful? Or mature? Am I pissed off that I'm thinking this much about what I feel like today?

For me, fashion is an expression of what's on the inside of a person. What I wear often reflects my mood, my attitude, and my outlook on life that particular day of the week. Today, I felt good- despite sleeping through my first class. Then again, maybe that's why I felt so damn good. Debit, Credit, Statement of Retained Earnings, schmernings.

As I was pouring through my rather sizeable selection of shirts to choose something for today, I stumbled across a gem that I'd forgotten about. I haven't worn this shirt in months- it was just hiding between two others. It's a black shirt, contrasted by a vibrant purple striping pattern. Almost gradient-like if you will, dear reader. Bottom line: this shirt has 'pop'. The purple stripes stand out.

Which reminded me of something that I'd forgotten about in my quest to mature myself rapidly and become an adult after I graduated university. Statements make confidence, and vice-versa. One of the easiest ways for a guy to look great in his clothes is to wear something mostly normal and unassuming- and then add something (please, just one something) that catches the eye boldly.

I should stress again that the 'something' which stands out should typically be just ONE thing.

Picture this:

A guy walks towards you, wearing a brilliant turquoise shirt... and Hawaiian print pants, similarly loud.

He stands out- but a little on the ridiculous side of the spectrum.

Same guy walks towards you, but wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, dark coloured sport coat, coordinating dark coloured shirt, accessorized with a dazzling silver necktie. That stands out too, but isn't circus worthy.

I also discovered something else while getting dressed.

I need to go shopping. I realized that I don't have any suitably casual non-denim pants. And wearing dress pants to college is a bit overkill (damnit!).

Socks (@$$#$!)

Clearly, the word 'socks' actually is the word for some expletive that I won't utter aloud in a language which I haven't yet identified, nor mastered.

What I'm trying to say, dear reader, is that I LOATHE socks. With every fiber of my being. In fact, I feel so poorly about shoe underwear that I routinely hold events where effigies of socks are burned and defiled in the midst of a group of wildly gyrating, warpaint-toting individuals.

(No offense to the good people at McGregor - A HappyFoot is... well, happy)

So, why this pathological dislike of socks? Well, my feet are used to being au naturel. They're much more comfortable, and much less stifled in this fashion. I think the old adage about skin being able to 'breathe' is kind of accurate.

But, sadly, socks are somewhat of a necessity to most people. And they're often the most overlooked part of an outfit.

'But why should I worry about my socks? No one ever sees them.'

For the most part, no. But there's definitely plenty of opportunities for people to see your socks (ever sat down in a chair and had your pant legs ride up, for instance?).

Traditional thinking says that your socks should coordinate with your pants. Or with your shoes. Or with your belt. Coordinate doesn't mean exact matching (if I hear ONE more person say 'but that doesn't match the pants', I may just lose my.... socks). Keep it in the same [colour] family. For instance, tan socks are okay with chocolate brown pants. Light grey socks are okay with black pants.

That's traditional thinking, in a nutshell. Now, on to some different thinking.

1. Socks coordinated to your necktie (or central-body accessory).
Wearing a red necktie? How about some funky socks that incorporate reds and pinks? This sort of wardrobe coordination is uncommon, and implies a mind that works outside of the normal rules and boundaries (ie- creative).

2. C-r-a-z-y socks!
Watch a couple of hours of British television, and you'll see what I mean. Our cousins across the pond have been wearing insanely coloured and patterned socks with otherwise-normal outfits for a number of years, with spectacularly eye-catching results. In this form of thinking, the sock does not have to coordinate with the outfit, as long as it is eye-catching and the colours clash with the outfit (this is the point- if the colours 'work' together, the effect is lost. I plan to test-drive this in classes come the fall semester, and keep a tally of how many professors I can derail with loud socks).


In closing, I leave you with some wisdom from a dear friend of mine:

May the sock be with you.

Thinking and Drinking (Ah ah ah ah ah ah- Life)

Getting back into the swing of blogging is a bit of an adjustment. I wrote the last of my final exams for the semester this week, and have finally had the time to sit down and take a breath. Kind of.

Wondering about the title? It's a reference to a song by Classified that I'm very partial to. A feel-good / feel-bad song that I've always found a bit empowering. Hearing it an hour ago on satellite radio made my day. It's funny how music has a certain power over us that extends beyond the conscious; one might say that music extends into our very soul and touches parts of us that we didn't know existed.

So, thinking and drinking? Today's topic is image and alcohol.


Not that I'm encouraging those who don't imbibe to take it up with a vengeance. But, it's a topic in image and perception which I feel merits some discussion. The commercial entities who are in the business of producing and distributing alcohol have spent trillions of dollars over the past fifty years to align their respective products with a target market or audience. This is in line with the efforts of all successful businesses and is a natural law of sorts. The anti-establishmentarians among us would call this underhanded and shallow, but it's an extension of basic human nature and organizational behaviour.

Humanity (particularly in the western world) is consumed by a need to be individual while at the same time being a part of a crowd. Some might say that this is a clear hypocrisy created by a culture of consumerism which is only purposed towards endlessly consuming goods and services.

Personally, I say that the real meat of this phenomenon is that its the single biggest personal development challenge that we have as human beings. Expressing individuality while also associating with a group mentality is like trying to drive both north and south while on the westbound 401. Difficult at best, yes?

The key to this challenge is to not give in to the group mentality and mass-culture mindset to the point where it sweeps away any traces of individuality. Rather, portions of certain group mentalities which the individual identifies with and enjoys can be successfully integrated into their individuality.

The nitty gritty of this? Be one while being a part of many.

It even makes my head spin sometimes, dear reader.

So, what does this have to do with alcohol?

Picture this: you go to your favourite 'establishment' on a rather busy evening. In your immediate field of vision, right in front of the bar are three people. They're all dressed similarly- casual, not overly flashy but still respectable. Let's call them ' x ', ' y ', and ' z '.

X is sitting on a barstool with a brown bottle of domestic beer in hand.
Y is leaning against the bar, holding a rock glass containing a few ice cubes and an ounce or two of copper-coloured liquor.
Z is standing, tall glass filled with a vibrantly-coloured liquid garnished with a cherry and miniature paper umbrella in one hand.


Although these three people are all similarly-dressed and presumably could blend into the same crowd with ease, the drinks that they each hold send vastly different messages to you. The message that you get from each person will differ based on your personal background and experiences, of course... but generally speaking- X appears simple in taste. Y appears mature and somewhat complex, and Z appears relaxed and ready for the beach.

Now, here's something else to note- nowhere in that example did I make a reference to gender. But I'm willing to bet that when you visualized each person, X and Y were male, while Z was female, or an effeminate-looking male. Just an example of gender-stereotypes that we have as human beings, and a reinforcement of the importance of perception in our society.

After all, as a straight male you wouldn't want to be caught dead sipping on a strawberry dacquiri or something similarly fruity and fun- you'd better be the one swigging from the nondescript brown bottle, right?

Not necessarily. Remember earlier when I mentioned how individuals should pick and choose parts of the groups that they identify with in order to enhance their own individuality? Fruity drinks qualify. Also, dacquiris are exceptionally tasty- and dare I say it- far more satisfying on a sweltering day than a bottle of beer.

Alcohol in itself can also be a language amongst connoisseurs. As with all products, there are particular things that each company associates with its particular brand (lets call it image, shall we?).

My personal favourites?
Scotch (Highland Park 25)
Whiskey (Jack Daniels)
Vodka (Belvedere)
Wine (Pinot Griggio, Sauvignon Blanc, Rosé- vintages change annually)
Beer (Steamwhistle)

And no, you didn't find rum or gin on this list. My stomach turns at the thought of consuming either in appreciable quantities. Maybe with the exception of New Amsterdam gin. Purely because it doesn't leave the taste of juniper berries on my palate.

Next time you visit your favourite speakeasy, dear reader, consider this- what you have in your hand speaks to who you are, how you feel, and what you identify with. That being said, don't be afraid to order something out of the ordinary. Especially if your only agenda for the evening is letting loose and enjoying yourself and the company around you.

Cheers.

The Formula for Happiness

This is a bit of a digression from topics that I normally dwell on in this blog, but I choose to muse nonetheless, dear reader.

I was having a conversation with a close friend of mine who studies psychology (say what you will, but she's actually a nice girl- although, on occasion I do get the urge to wrap my head in lead so that she stops reading my mind).

The topic of conversation was happiness.

Kind of a funny word for something that is so all-consuming in many people's lives. Some people spend their entire life looking for happiness, when they're not even entirely sure what it is that 'happiness' really involves.

Money? Women? Men? Family? Accomplishment? Tradition? Money?

According to my friend, happiness and the things that make people happy can be divided into three spheres. Health, wealth, and relationships (not necessarily the romantic kind, but your relationships in general with other human beings (or cats, if that's your thing).

Thus, we have the formula for happiness.

Health + Wealth + Relationships = Happiness

(although, personally I define it as Mohito + Beach + Scenery = Happiness)

When I started to muse on this little tidbit, it actually does make a lot of sense. When people are ill, they tend to be unhappy. When they're broke and can't pay the bills- stressed. And unhappy. Two hours after a rough breakup? Unhappy (or completely shitfaced).

Now think of a particular time in your life that everything just seemed to click. Odds are that you were in good health, were making enough money to pay the bills, and were getting laid at least somewhat regularly. Or were spending time with a good group of friends frequently enough that your lack of after-dark escapades didn't really matter.

The terms 'health,' 'wealth,' and 'relationships' are subjective. They might mean different things to different people. For instance, 'wealth' does not necessarily have to mean an income of six figures annually. 'Wealth' could be living comfortably in a modest house or apartment. As my future-psychologist friend described it, you are rich in the wealth sphere if you have the means to support a lifestyle which you are content to live.

Personally, being extremely wealthy might seem fantastic, but I don't honestly think that I could spend a million dollars a year on myself and not feel bloated (metaphorically and literally- I have a weakness for Porterhouse).

'Health' is also subjective. For some, the minimum standard of health might be a body chiselled like a Greek God(ess) and the ability to run a three minute mile. For others, 'health' might mean waking up without a migraine or other painful ailment.

'Relationship' is perhaps the most subjective of the three terms. As a culture, we place a lot of importance on the rituals that surround our interaction with other people. Even people who operate on that pretense of not placing importance in the rituals are cognizant of them and subscribe to a ritual of not subscribing to the rituals (ie- self-described 'laid back' people... no offense, dear reader, I'm one of those people).

What are those rituals? In business, a handshake. Traditionally done in meeting, greeting, dealing, and parting (in most of the western world, anyway). Among family and friends, a hug or kiss- again, meeting, greeting, and parting. Among lovers? Other things- I think you can fill in the blanks yourself.

What does the word 'relationship' even mean? It depends on the context. Romantic, platonic, casual. At its simplest, a relationship is the manner in which one person knows and interacts with another person. This is what the third sphere describes. To be happy in the relationship sphere, you don't necessarily have to have massive numbers of adoring friends, or a single adoring romantic partner. Or in the case of some people, a massive number of adoring romantic partners. What the relationship sphere of happiness describes is your personal satisfaction with the interactions that you have with other people. Like the other two spheres, it's different for every person.

This entire post might seem like a massive blonde moment (apologies to any blonde readers without a sense of humour). What I've written does seem very simple, but I think it's a sort of simple that many of us overlook in our daily struggles. Thinking about life and happiness in these terms can give us a new perspective on ourselves and on how we live. And newfound power in coming up with solutions to our problems.

So, how does this relate to image?

Image is a tool for you to use in your daily conquests, whether they relate to health, wealth, or relationships. A positive image will help make colleagues more amenable to you at work. A positive image can increase self-confidence and motivate you to live healthier; whether that image is coming from someone else or from your bathroom mirror. As for relationships- positivity and confidence are universally attractive features, both in romance and in friendship.

Wield it wisely.