Socks (@$$#$!)

Clearly, the word 'socks' actually is the word for some expletive that I won't utter aloud in a language which I haven't yet identified, nor mastered.

What I'm trying to say, dear reader, is that I LOATHE socks. With every fiber of my being. In fact, I feel so poorly about shoe underwear that I routinely hold events where effigies of socks are burned and defiled in the midst of a group of wildly gyrating, warpaint-toting individuals.

(No offense to the good people at McGregor - A HappyFoot is... well, happy)

So, why this pathological dislike of socks? Well, my feet are used to being au naturel. They're much more comfortable, and much less stifled in this fashion. I think the old adage about skin being able to 'breathe' is kind of accurate.

But, sadly, socks are somewhat of a necessity to most people. And they're often the most overlooked part of an outfit.

'But why should I worry about my socks? No one ever sees them.'

For the most part, no. But there's definitely plenty of opportunities for people to see your socks (ever sat down in a chair and had your pant legs ride up, for instance?).

Traditional thinking says that your socks should coordinate with your pants. Or with your shoes. Or with your belt. Coordinate doesn't mean exact matching (if I hear ONE more person say 'but that doesn't match the pants', I may just lose my.... socks). Keep it in the same [colour] family. For instance, tan socks are okay with chocolate brown pants. Light grey socks are okay with black pants.

That's traditional thinking, in a nutshell. Now, on to some different thinking.

1. Socks coordinated to your necktie (or central-body accessory).
Wearing a red necktie? How about some funky socks that incorporate reds and pinks? This sort of wardrobe coordination is uncommon, and implies a mind that works outside of the normal rules and boundaries (ie- creative).

2. C-r-a-z-y socks!
Watch a couple of hours of British television, and you'll see what I mean. Our cousins across the pond have been wearing insanely coloured and patterned socks with otherwise-normal outfits for a number of years, with spectacularly eye-catching results. In this form of thinking, the sock does not have to coordinate with the outfit, as long as it is eye-catching and the colours clash with the outfit (this is the point- if the colours 'work' together, the effect is lost. I plan to test-drive this in classes come the fall semester, and keep a tally of how many professors I can derail with loud socks).


In closing, I leave you with some wisdom from a dear friend of mine:

May the sock be with you.

Thinking and Drinking (Ah ah ah ah ah ah- Life)

Getting back into the swing of blogging is a bit of an adjustment. I wrote the last of my final exams for the semester this week, and have finally had the time to sit down and take a breath. Kind of.

Wondering about the title? It's a reference to a song by Classified that I'm very partial to. A feel-good / feel-bad song that I've always found a bit empowering. Hearing it an hour ago on satellite radio made my day. It's funny how music has a certain power over us that extends beyond the conscious; one might say that music extends into our very soul and touches parts of us that we didn't know existed.

So, thinking and drinking? Today's topic is image and alcohol.


Not that I'm encouraging those who don't imbibe to take it up with a vengeance. But, it's a topic in image and perception which I feel merits some discussion. The commercial entities who are in the business of producing and distributing alcohol have spent trillions of dollars over the past fifty years to align their respective products with a target market or audience. This is in line with the efforts of all successful businesses and is a natural law of sorts. The anti-establishmentarians among us would call this underhanded and shallow, but it's an extension of basic human nature and organizational behaviour.

Humanity (particularly in the western world) is consumed by a need to be individual while at the same time being a part of a crowd. Some might say that this is a clear hypocrisy created by a culture of consumerism which is only purposed towards endlessly consuming goods and services.

Personally, I say that the real meat of this phenomenon is that its the single biggest personal development challenge that we have as human beings. Expressing individuality while also associating with a group mentality is like trying to drive both north and south while on the westbound 401. Difficult at best, yes?

The key to this challenge is to not give in to the group mentality and mass-culture mindset to the point where it sweeps away any traces of individuality. Rather, portions of certain group mentalities which the individual identifies with and enjoys can be successfully integrated into their individuality.

The nitty gritty of this? Be one while being a part of many.

It even makes my head spin sometimes, dear reader.

So, what does this have to do with alcohol?

Picture this: you go to your favourite 'establishment' on a rather busy evening. In your immediate field of vision, right in front of the bar are three people. They're all dressed similarly- casual, not overly flashy but still respectable. Let's call them ' x ', ' y ', and ' z '.

X is sitting on a barstool with a brown bottle of domestic beer in hand.
Y is leaning against the bar, holding a rock glass containing a few ice cubes and an ounce or two of copper-coloured liquor.
Z is standing, tall glass filled with a vibrantly-coloured liquid garnished with a cherry and miniature paper umbrella in one hand.


Although these three people are all similarly-dressed and presumably could blend into the same crowd with ease, the drinks that they each hold send vastly different messages to you. The message that you get from each person will differ based on your personal background and experiences, of course... but generally speaking- X appears simple in taste. Y appears mature and somewhat complex, and Z appears relaxed and ready for the beach.

Now, here's something else to note- nowhere in that example did I make a reference to gender. But I'm willing to bet that when you visualized each person, X and Y were male, while Z was female, or an effeminate-looking male. Just an example of gender-stereotypes that we have as human beings, and a reinforcement of the importance of perception in our society.

After all, as a straight male you wouldn't want to be caught dead sipping on a strawberry dacquiri or something similarly fruity and fun- you'd better be the one swigging from the nondescript brown bottle, right?

Not necessarily. Remember earlier when I mentioned how individuals should pick and choose parts of the groups that they identify with in order to enhance their own individuality? Fruity drinks qualify. Also, dacquiris are exceptionally tasty- and dare I say it- far more satisfying on a sweltering day than a bottle of beer.

Alcohol in itself can also be a language amongst connoisseurs. As with all products, there are particular things that each company associates with its particular brand (lets call it image, shall we?).

My personal favourites?
Scotch (Highland Park 25)
Whiskey (Jack Daniels)
Vodka (Belvedere)
Wine (Pinot Griggio, Sauvignon Blanc, Rosé- vintages change annually)
Beer (Steamwhistle)

And no, you didn't find rum or gin on this list. My stomach turns at the thought of consuming either in appreciable quantities. Maybe with the exception of New Amsterdam gin. Purely because it doesn't leave the taste of juniper berries on my palate.

Next time you visit your favourite speakeasy, dear reader, consider this- what you have in your hand speaks to who you are, how you feel, and what you identify with. That being said, don't be afraid to order something out of the ordinary. Especially if your only agenda for the evening is letting loose and enjoying yourself and the company around you.

Cheers.

The Formula for Happiness

This is a bit of a digression from topics that I normally dwell on in this blog, but I choose to muse nonetheless, dear reader.

I was having a conversation with a close friend of mine who studies psychology (say what you will, but she's actually a nice girl- although, on occasion I do get the urge to wrap my head in lead so that she stops reading my mind).

The topic of conversation was happiness.

Kind of a funny word for something that is so all-consuming in many people's lives. Some people spend their entire life looking for happiness, when they're not even entirely sure what it is that 'happiness' really involves.

Money? Women? Men? Family? Accomplishment? Tradition? Money?

According to my friend, happiness and the things that make people happy can be divided into three spheres. Health, wealth, and relationships (not necessarily the romantic kind, but your relationships in general with other human beings (or cats, if that's your thing).

Thus, we have the formula for happiness.

Health + Wealth + Relationships = Happiness

(although, personally I define it as Mohito + Beach + Scenery = Happiness)

When I started to muse on this little tidbit, it actually does make a lot of sense. When people are ill, they tend to be unhappy. When they're broke and can't pay the bills- stressed. And unhappy. Two hours after a rough breakup? Unhappy (or completely shitfaced).

Now think of a particular time in your life that everything just seemed to click. Odds are that you were in good health, were making enough money to pay the bills, and were getting laid at least somewhat regularly. Or were spending time with a good group of friends frequently enough that your lack of after-dark escapades didn't really matter.

The terms 'health,' 'wealth,' and 'relationships' are subjective. They might mean different things to different people. For instance, 'wealth' does not necessarily have to mean an income of six figures annually. 'Wealth' could be living comfortably in a modest house or apartment. As my future-psychologist friend described it, you are rich in the wealth sphere if you have the means to support a lifestyle which you are content to live.

Personally, being extremely wealthy might seem fantastic, but I don't honestly think that I could spend a million dollars a year on myself and not feel bloated (metaphorically and literally- I have a weakness for Porterhouse).

'Health' is also subjective. For some, the minimum standard of health might be a body chiselled like a Greek God(ess) and the ability to run a three minute mile. For others, 'health' might mean waking up without a migraine or other painful ailment.

'Relationship' is perhaps the most subjective of the three terms. As a culture, we place a lot of importance on the rituals that surround our interaction with other people. Even people who operate on that pretense of not placing importance in the rituals are cognizant of them and subscribe to a ritual of not subscribing to the rituals (ie- self-described 'laid back' people... no offense, dear reader, I'm one of those people).

What are those rituals? In business, a handshake. Traditionally done in meeting, greeting, dealing, and parting (in most of the western world, anyway). Among family and friends, a hug or kiss- again, meeting, greeting, and parting. Among lovers? Other things- I think you can fill in the blanks yourself.

What does the word 'relationship' even mean? It depends on the context. Romantic, platonic, casual. At its simplest, a relationship is the manner in which one person knows and interacts with another person. This is what the third sphere describes. To be happy in the relationship sphere, you don't necessarily have to have massive numbers of adoring friends, or a single adoring romantic partner. Or in the case of some people, a massive number of adoring romantic partners. What the relationship sphere of happiness describes is your personal satisfaction with the interactions that you have with other people. Like the other two spheres, it's different for every person.

This entire post might seem like a massive blonde moment (apologies to any blonde readers without a sense of humour). What I've written does seem very simple, but I think it's a sort of simple that many of us overlook in our daily struggles. Thinking about life and happiness in these terms can give us a new perspective on ourselves and on how we live. And newfound power in coming up with solutions to our problems.

So, how does this relate to image?

Image is a tool for you to use in your daily conquests, whether they relate to health, wealth, or relationships. A positive image will help make colleagues more amenable to you at work. A positive image can increase self-confidence and motivate you to live healthier; whether that image is coming from someone else or from your bathroom mirror. As for relationships- positivity and confidence are universally attractive features, both in romance and in friendship.

Wield it wisely.

The Little Things

Today I learned what a 'cootie-catcher' is. Mind you, I'd known what it was since a young age (ah, the memories of public school...) but had never known the actual name for it. For the unenlightened, a 'cootie-catcher' is a piece of paper, folded up into a shape that resembles a very blocky flower. It has a bunch of things written on various parts of it, such as your favourite colour, who you're going to marry.... and to be honest, I've forgotten the rest.

Cootie-catcher.
Quite a suggestive (in a pre-school kind of way) name for such an innocent contraption. Learning the name of the little thing changed my perception of it quite remarkably. When I was a child, I thought of it as just some thing that a lot of yucky girls on the playground were trying to get me to do.

Now, it's a ritual for pre-adolescent bonding (not to be confused with pre-adolescent bondage. I'm fairly certain that's illegal in most jurisdictions- although, Kentucky might be an exception).

This brings me to today's point: the little things matter. There's a catchphrase that some associates of mine are rather fond of- 'the devil is in the details.' In other words, if you don't pay attention to the minute details of something, they will come back and sink their pointy little teeth into your exposed, bare buttocks.

While driving up to campus today for my second class (some much-needed sleep prevented me from attending the preceding one), I became stuck behind a slow-moving Porsche Boxster (I know, I just love to pick on the Boxster...). Running a little late, as I tend to do, I was slightly anxious and increasingly angry with the man who had chosen to drive his expensive sportscar at a velocity of 40 km/h. Being mere feet away from his rear bumper, I had the time to take in the supple lines of the vehicle's body styling (I think there was a redesign this year- the back end wasn't nearly as ugly as it used to be. Insert cliché ex-wife joke here).

Then I noticed the license plate.

It was a regular old, seven-digit Ontario license plate. Like millions of other ones in circulation. That's not what caught my attention. What caught my attention was what was surrounding the license plate.

'PFAFF Porsche 101 Auto Park Circle Woodbridge ON L4L 8R1 905-851-0852'

Dear reader, if you have the means to purchase an automobile that costs more than the average person's yearly income, now or in the future... do me a favour and spend five dollars on a license plate frame that doesn't have the dealer's branding stamped all over it. You can get them at Canadian Tire. It's a little tacky for someone's personal possesions to advertise another's products or business in a blatant fashion.

It's VERY tacky when you've paid $70,000 to be able to do it.

Career Wear on a Budget (Part II: Women)

I've just realized that the last post was monstrous. I mean, the loch ness monster (sometimes referred to by its admirers as 'Nessie') has shorter extremities than the last post. My apologies, dear reader. I'll do my best to shorten my long-windedness and not write novellas on this blog in the future.

It's been an unexpected week, some family matters have kept me from blogging over the past week. Not that I'm overly concerned, but I do seem to remember promising to blog on the second half of career wear in a day or two. My bad.

So, career wear on a budget for women. Much of my advice is similiar to men when it comes to this topic. Chiefly, spend a little extra money on tailoring to really make the outfit pop and appear more expensive than it is.

(let's not even get into the current 'trendy' fashionista opinion that because we're in a recession, what people wear should look cheap and shoddy to reflect frugality- my one word response to this would be 'GRRR!')

I've changed my mind. Let's dwell on this for a second, shall we?

(disclaimer: if it takes you more than a second to read the following, learn to read faster and then revisit)

AUDIENCE. I've mentioned it a few times before, but when considering your image, this recession (or Great Recession, as MacLean's and others have been calling it- clever, no?), and frugality.... always consider the audience. There will be people who don't care that you're still wearing the same modestly-priced clothing as you always have (dear Jennifer Aniston, I know that you read my blog- I love you, but honestly? This post isn't for you). There will also be people who are offended if you wear a ninety dollar pair of jeans to a social function (insert cliché ex-wife joke here). Personally, I think that the idea of dressing in inexpensive clothes during economic troubles as a great fashion trend is utterly ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, always spend on clothing what your budget allows and what you're comfortable with... but if you're financially well off, don't start shopping for underwear at The Dollar Store. That being said, it might be a tad insensitive to wear a ten thousand dollar dress while spooning out lunch at a soup kitchen (I really hope Jennifer Aniston stopped reading this earlier).

Career. Wear. For. Women.

• Mix and match outfits. Buying items that cross over from one outfit to the next will help shave some dollars and cents off your bill at the end of a shopping trip. Cool shades work quite well, almost universally so, with other cool shades (a cool shade being colours that we associate with cool temperature- blue and its variants, white, grey, black). For instance, a light grey pant suit will support blouses which are blue, green, purple, white and grey (although be careful about the particular shades looking wonky together).


• SHOES! Women love shoes. (Some) men love shoes. I think shoes can be one of the sexiest accessories of any outfit if they have understated interest. If you want to save money on your professional wardrobe.... d o n o t buy a pair of shoes for every outfit (no, this doesn't mean you can buy two pairs for every outfit either). Opt instead for one or two pairs of neutral-coloured, sensible shoes which will work with a variety of outfits.


• Handbags- see above. Remember that part in the Sex and the City movie where Carrie's assistant shows up sporting a Louis Vuitton? And she says something to the effect of 'it's a rental'? Well, that actually exists. There are a handful of such services in Canada even- mind you, mostly scattered around the GTA, Montreal, and Vancouver.


• Outlet malls are your friend.

Cost-cutting measures are important for people on a budget, yes. However, there is one thing that you should never skimp on as a woman.

Makeup.

(if you wear it- personally, I'm very partial to the girl-next-door-makeup-minimalist look, but to each their own).

Makeup can be incredibly expensive, but buy the best quality makeup that you can afford. Most of the attention you receive in a day will centre on your face. Cheap makeup has a habit of doing funky things (running, gobbing, and 'sweating') partway through the day. It also tends to contain very cheap ingredients that are detrimental to the health of your skin. Arbonne carries some great makeup lines, although it can be tough to get ahold of (http://www.arbonne.ca/).

While we're on the subject, if you're an avid makeup wearer, pay extra attention to your skincare regimen. Even the most organic of makeups touted as healthy for your skin still share one thing with their cheaply synthetic bretheren (sisteren?): they're designed to cover up your skin. The skin needs to breathe and the pores need to do their thing. It's nature, baby. A layer of makeup on top of your skin makes it very difficult for air to get in and moisture to get out.

So- wash, moisturize, exfoliate, and do all the good stuff. Eat well, drink well, and take care of yourself. The benefits will show in and on your face. And don't curse your parents too much if you got stuck with the genes for crappy complexion. Just accept it and do what you can with it.

C'est la vie, you know?

I hope that this one wasn't too long, dear reader. If you have a burning question about something, leave a comment. Or call, or eMail, or whatever. Honestly, I don't bite.

Unless you're into that sort of thing.